I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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