Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
