Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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