Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
