The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
dude. I can hear the air.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
