I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
