The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
