im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
