I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what day is it and did you see me today?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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