Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Will exercising make me less horny?
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