Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
