You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
