Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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