every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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