In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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