I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
