If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
