Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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