I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
