Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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