Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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