Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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