If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize