Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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