Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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