and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize