I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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