sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
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Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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