they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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