That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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