Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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