I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
