OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
