The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize