I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
