I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
