loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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