Umm I'm too high to move.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
