Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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