I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my poor anus
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
