I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
