I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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