im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
