this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
