RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
