U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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