my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
