Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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