Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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