My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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