Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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