Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it because I queefed?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
