i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have aggressive nipples.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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