But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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