my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
