Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
