found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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