Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
