don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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