haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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