i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
