Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
