I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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