I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
