I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Randomize
