I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
