I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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