she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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