We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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