ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
