i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
